Myself....Then and Now

Today, this weird thought came to my mind….about how I’ve changed as a person. This is not as weird a thought I guess.

In my teens and until the age of 24, I was this girl who, maybe did not know what she wanted, but knew what she did not want. I had this amazing control over my thoughts and feelings which I seem to have lost now! I had this magical talent of going against what I felt like doing, when I knew doing certain things was not in the best of my interests. I was a very lonely person back then, all my emotions locked up within me. Lonely by choice maybe? I always took pride in the fact that I can survive on my own and I did not need anyone (except for my family of course). I wore this look (mature?) which was too old for my age.  I would give a look of disgust (in my mind) to anything and anyone that seemed silly to me. I took myself a little too seriously, and I hated it when others didn’t treat me likewise.  This made me vulnerable and it was quite a task for me to move on and forgive when I was hurt. I spoke only when I was spoken to. I did not make any friends in the first 2 ½ years of my career in a BPO! Unbelievable? I felt no one around was mature enough or genuine enough to be friends with. I was this no non sense girl who was absolutely confident about who she was. I had the least emotional attachment with people around. I simply adore this aspect of that girl.

Being lonely is not that bad after all! I think being with myself is what I miss now. Something which gave me immense strength I suppose. I do spend time alone even now. But there is a difference. I am constantly occupied by thoughts about people around me …more specifically people in my life. This is not to say that I blame the people around me for losing the strength that I once had. I am glad that I have all the people that I do have, as a part of my life. Apart from these people, there were other incidents in my life that changed me. Things that I've learnt are:

•  Do not take yourself too seriously, so that you don’t get disappointed or hurt. And more importantly, MOVE ON!!
• Expressing your emotions is not a crime, as long as they are genuine.
• Its ok to make mistakes, do not be too harsh on yourself. (I’ve been taking undue advantage of this lately)
• Genuine and trustworthy people do exist in this world, people who are worthy of being your friends.
• It’s absolutely alright to be a kid and let loose once in a while.

I so want to bring back that girl in me. I need to start my journey towards rediscovering myself. What I am essentially looking for is a balance between who I was and who I am. I need to strive really hard to get the self control back. And I know who can help me with this. Someone who’s been there with me, when nobody was! J

P.S. Listened to Crash and burn by Savage Garden…fell in love with it.

V

Who the hell is running my country??

I was shocked to read an article in the newspaper today, “The cosy world behind the tapes” in The Hindu dated 9th December ’10. It spoke about the “Radia tapes” and the involvement of the so called “elite” journalists, media heads and business tycoons. Since it did not have details about the whole (Radia tapes) thing, I decided to do a quick research on it. And I found a detailed account of it on Wikipedia. Yes! Wiki leaked again!

This article was something which shook me…actually shook me! I also listened to some of the recorded conversations between Ms. Radia and Ms. Barkha Dutt. Maybe the intensity of my shock is greater than normal because I am not very fond of politics (I guess no one is) or rather I do not know the game very well. After reading the whole thing, I was glad that I was a no one in the world of famous people. Because, if this is what is called being “someone” then I am more than happy to be myself! I was wondering, who the hell is running my country? I thought it was Sonia Gandhi! A tough question to crack this one! The choices that I had were: Karunanidhi, Dayanidhi Maran, Ms.Radia, (includes all the lobbyists) Ms. Barkha Dutt (includes all the journalists who were involved), Ratan Tata, the Ambanis, Ghulam Nabi Azad or Manmohan Singh & Aam aadmi (I’ve placed these two together because I feel they have the least amount of control over the situation). Then I settled for an answer which does not figure in this list. It is MONEY.

I was shocked to know how a journalist can have this amount of control! She has the audacity to term this as “modern day journalism”. How can he/she decide or influence the decision of who the cabinet minister is going to be? Or how could Mukesh Ambani say “Congress to ghar ki baat hai!”? But at another level it made me wonder, what happens to the inspiration of so many kids? Barkha Dutt, Ratan Tata, Mukesh Ambani, they were the role models for so many kids in their respective fields. Who are they to look up to now? And more importantly, what price should one be ready to pay for success? For some people the price is - “anything”. Guess it depends on what success means to you. And this is a very personal choice to make.

Success, fame, adulation comes with great responsibilities. Even before one decides “the price”, one should be ready for the responsibility. One has a choice to decide the price, but one does not have the choice to overlook the responsibility.

These days it seems it is all about how well you can play the game. Everything in today’s world is reduced to a game after all! A game played everywhere, in politics, corporate world, families, business or relationships for that matter!

I would like to admit that I am no saint. Even I get tempted to use certain information to my benefit, or to take short cuts in order to achieve what I want to. But more often than not I am able to refrain myself from doing so. Going forward I am going to try and do it every single time. And I am also going to be extra careful, when I am speaking over the phone.

That’s it for now. Off to play a game. A game on my PC of course! :-p

Mera Bharat Mahan? (Couldn’t stop myself from adding the question mark.)

The lessons of life

I was leaving early from work the other day, but I had no time to book a cab. So I requested the transport supervisor and he said "I'll see what I can do". Getting a cab in these kind of situations is a daunting task, thanks to the so called company policies. The supervisor had a chat with the driver and there I was, with an almost victorious smile on my face, boarding the cab. I realised that I was the only employee in the cab. The driver had actually lied about the other employee (the one who had booked the cab for himself) being in the cab. It was really thoughtful of him to do so. He also told me "Main bol deta toh apko cab nahin milta tha madam" (Had I spoken the truth, you would not have got this seat madam). It also made me think how common it is to see these gestures coming from absolute strangers. Strangers who are drivers, cart pullers, shop keepers, and aayas etc..Despite being burdened with the challenges of earning their daily bread and butter, they show us how they can still give so much to others.

I learnt that giving is not about how much you possess, but about having the willingness to give.

There was another relatively young driver in the cab.(Must be just 20). The experienced driver was to get down on the way and the younger one was supposed to drop me and then pick up some other employees.The experienced driver was giving him sound advice. He said,"I trust you with these pick ups. Trust is very important, you mess up once and that's it! Noone is going to remember the hundred times you did it right, but everybody is going to remember the one time you falter. So, be very careful! Cause no matter what, you just cannot win the trust back. It is very difficult." And there I was, an assistant manager learning the lessons of life from a cab driver!

Trust is the base of every relationship. Be it your family, friends, love or even your doctor or driver for that matter. We subconsciously trust all these people, for, it is impossible to survive if we don't. In a way we do not have the choice of not trusting them. But what do we do when we are put in a spot? When we know someone trusts us with everything and that our act might hurt them. Do we have the strength of character to let go of our personal gains? Or even sacrifice if required, to keep their trust in us? We hear so many stories of people deceiving, cheating on and back stabbing others .

The recent wikileaks were a breach of trust of all Indians who thought that US was a true ally and a reliable friendly nation. The incident has definitely left more than just a scar on the relationship between the two countries. We got to trust each other as friends, colleagues, nations and just as human beings at a basic level. And more importantly we need to make sure that we do not break it.

It is always good to trust each other out of willingness than doing so because you have no choice. Let's be strong in the moment of truth and give "trust" a chance. It is going to win us hearts and friends for a lifetime.

Cheers!

The Journey Begins...

Misty dreams waiting for Sunshine.

Mist which appears every morning and waits for sunshine to appear and clear the view of the horizon. I chose this name because I am a dreamy person. That is not to say that I am unaware of the realities around me and live in my dream world. I am a practical person. As a teenager even the prince charming of my dreams was imperfect. He had his grey shades.

Maybe I knew that we live in an imperfect world and we all as individuals are imperfect. Imperfect in different ways so that we can complete each other. 
 

And thats why the name, "Perfections of an imperfect world"